3.18.2011

NATE DOGG, NEGROES, & NUTRITION



When I received the news of Nate Dogg's death I immediately began laughing. I thought it was another foolish internet rumor sparked by a pitiful blogger who had too much time on their hands. How could Nate Dogg be dead? I knew he was affliated with West Coast rappers who claim(ed) membership in urban street gangs, but he wasn't a hardcore thug; he was a brother who sung hooks on various hip-hop records. He crooned about hoes in different area codes with Ludacris while telling ignorant negroes to lay low with Snoop and Dre! I knew he hadn't fallen prey to the "Tupac Shakur Syndrome" that took the life of Christopher Wallace, Big L, Jam Master Jay, Soulja Slim, and Magnolia Shorty--- so I continued chuckling while blasting "Area Codes" from my computer speakers.





No disrespect was intended. Gossip and rumor mills have killed off numerous celebrities who are still alive and well. While watching CNN I finally saw that the news of his death wasn't malacious hear-say, he was dead; but he hadn't been brutally murdered in the fashion I thought he'd be. I was shocked to learn that he'd previously survived two strokes before suffering the heart attack that prematurely ended his life at the age of 41.


The cause of his death resonated with me. I felt guilt for brushing his death away as a joke since life is a precious thing, but it was more than that. I began thinking of all my family members that have died throughout the years. I noticed an eerie pattern that hadn't clicked until that moment--- every blood relative that I've lost has died from related complications that were rooted in preventable ailments such as diabetes(type 2), heart disease, or hypertension.


Then my thoughts shifted to Black celebrities who died under similar circumstances. I immediately thought of Luther Vandross, Nell Carter, and Gerald Levert. Their lives ended prematurely, and I for one, think that it's tragic.


I am avoiding the temptation of being quasi-militant and revolutionary as I write this article. I could easily berate the Black community and say that we need to get our 'ish together when it comes to our health and eating habits. I could talk about the "evils" of the soul food that many Black people consume while referencing various statistics that support my claims, but I won't do that, not today!


What good would it do??? No one would receive my words and it would do nothing but incite a multitude of pointless and immature debates, disguised as thought-provoking dialouge. In the end, nothing solution-oriented would be produced. That's the easy route to take; today I'll take the road less traveled.


When it comes down to it, American culture is extremely unhealthy. It's not a Black thing, a White thing, a Hispanic thing, or an Asian thing! It's an epidemic that is affecting the majority of American citizens. Do not let anyone fool you into saying it's a Black thing. I am tired of the media, commentators, and bloggers declaring the dire state of all Black bodies, especially our women, who are always labeled unhealthy and overweight.


Guess what??? The majority of ALL Americans are unhealthy, sedentary, and overweight. Heart disease is the number one killer of ALL American citizens-- not only people with dark skin, thicker lips, and tightly coiled hair(that is grown, not processed or sewn onto one's head, but let's leave that topic for another article concerning "Good Hair").


Let us understand! Poor eating habits, obseity, and degenrative diseases are not "African-American problems," but we have more to lose than our white counter-parts!

Economically-speaking, we earn less money than the average Anglo-Saxon worker; do we really want to spend a large percentage of our net-pay on varying medications, treatments, and hospital visits for a disease that can be prevented by changing our eating habits?


Let us also keep in mind the sky-rocketing cost of health insurance that is offered by privately and publicly owned businesses throughout the nation--- many of these companies deny coverage to individuals who have developed 'pre-existing' conditions such as hypertension, heart disease, and type 2 diabetes.


Moreover, individuals who develop these ailments are usually forced to work fewer hours which will hit their pocket-books even harder if they have little-to-no health insurance coverage.


And let us not forget that those individuals who die prematurely reduce their chances of transferring generational wealth to their children and grand-children, instead relatives of these individuals risk inheirting generational debt.

Sadly, many Black Americans have prematurely lost a loved one and inheirted their debt; this weakens our influence in this captialistic society where money equals power.



If nothing else, we must maintain our health to help strengthen our families and communities; this is a simple revolutionary act in my opinion. We don't have to march and petition for the white man to accept us as equal. We don't need him to validate our worth, nor do we need him to understand our plight. I feel like we waste a lot of energy trying to get the white man to do that, these are ineffective actions. Let us strengthen ourselves! One applicable way that we can do this is by being mindful of the foods we eat and the physical activity we participate in to take care of our bodies.

There is much knowledge to be given, analyzed, and discussed; much more than I could ever fit into one entire article; this is why I have decided to dedicate my next 10-15 posts to healthy eating and lifestyle habits for Black Americans.


It is a new interest and passion of mine that I've been actively researching and implementing in my own life. Friends and family who know me personally may wonder why I've decided to become so diehard about this since I'm a relatively thin individual, but I'd like for those individuals to realize that being slim and having a nice body doesn't give one immunity from health issues related to diet and excercise--- that is one myth I would like to disspell!


A cousin of mine who is 5'7, 145 pounds, and 26 years old was recently diagnoised with type 2 diabetes. This is a case of a slim individual who developed a condition due to the overconsumption of glucose(sugar). Halle Berry serves as another example of a slim person who has developed a health problem due to a poor diet, she too, has type 2 diabetes.


Stay tuned to my blog, I have some knowledgeable, encouraging, and interesting posts coming within these coming weeks!!!!!

Keep it healthy and be breezy!!! PEACE!!!

Share/Bookmark

10.11.2010

THE HIT LIST:
"Individuals Who Make Me Re-Consider My Pro-Life Beliefs"



The people on this list are an absolute waste of skin! I depise their "contributions" to society and wish their mothers would have chosen to give their fathers some crucial knowledge, instead of opting to open the glistening gates of the willow's waterfall the night they were conceived.

The world would definitely be a better place had they not been born. Psychological dissonance occurs when I ponder upon these people; I find the act of abortion to be extremely deplorable, yet somehow I've convinced myself that the Supreme Being of the universe would have been okay with the mothers of these f*ckers allowing a doctor to suck the vapid lifeforms from their wombs with a turbo-charged vacuum.

Unfortunately, I do not possess the power to un-do what's already been done. At this point, I can only hope they run head-first into an assassin's stray bullet.

**sighs**


Que SerĂ¡, SerĂ¡!!!!


Whatever will be, will be! Hopefully, the idiots on this list ascend to some higher level of existentialism and decide to retreat from the limelight, or somehow cease to exist in this realm; either option would be fine by me!

Anyhoo, without further ado, I present my own personal hit-list:



#1: Tyler "Madea" Perry-

Tyler Perry is a marginally talented individual whose business saavy has provided him with the opportunity to to promote and profit from lackluster bullsh*t while simultaneously reducing Black artistic expression to the lowest common denominator.

He obviously studied Sean Combs' narcissistic and exploitative approach to the music business and applied those lessons to the film industry.

However, I should note that I respect Diddy as a person. Diddy doesn't pimp religion for profit, nor does he pretend to be a 'nice guy' whose bullsh*t creations somehow elevate all Black people to a higher plane via a divine metaphysical presence.

My major pet-peeve with Perry is his use of religion as a major selling point of his brand. When someone criticizes his television shows or plays, he is quick to tell everyone, "I'm only doing what God has called me to do," instead of actually working to improve his feces-ridden writing and directorial skills.

He claims to be about the empowerment of Black people, but he rarely deals with unionized writers, and even went far as firing Black writers who attempted to gain benefits of being unionized.


The man is a fraud who hides behind a veil of religion and pseduo-Black power/unity to promote his bullsh*t!

I'd say he deserves 7 bullets to the craninum for this 'ish!



#2: Waka Flocka Flame-
This is the idiot that knocked Soulja Boy Tell 'Em off my list! I'll be leinient with Soulja Boy; he is an inexperienced young brother who is barely out of his teens. The brother can't even legally purchase alcohol(Plus, I can't lie.... that negro makes some hella good club bangers...) I'll give him a chance to mature and develop.


Conversely, Waka Flocka is a grown ass man whose stupidity I cannot excuse! I won't even waste the mental energy of explaining why he's on the list. I'll allow him to justify my opinion with the following video clips:





Seriously, how can anyone over the age of twelve be this ignorant AND dumb?? This is a horrible representation of Black men!

He deserves 3 hollow-tipped bullets to the dome and a throat-punch from Mike Tyson for this 'ish!!!



#3: Trey Songz-
Trey Songz represents everything wrong with the entertainment industry. He is a good-looking brother with lackluster talent. The quality of his voice is whiny. He cannot sustain a note without going flat or sharp, and his songs are excessively basic. He is a male reincarnation of Ashanti.

I considered labeling him a new millieneum male-version of Adina Howard due to the sexually suggestive themes in his music, then I remembered that she actually had a pretty amazing singing voice to back-up her rauchiness!

It could be worst though, he could be a bearilla looking brother trying to get girls wet between the legs while grinding and singing Gospel music.

Meh!

He still deserves a Samuri's sword to the gut for his horrible, horrible singing voice!

Surely, Teddy Pendergrass and Marvin Gaye both make a full three-hundred and sixty degree rotation in their respective graves everytime a Trey Songz record is spun!




#4:Wendy Williams-


This female impersonator irks the hell outta me!! Everytime I hear him say, "How You Doing," the urge to kill rises from the pit of my stomach. Additionally, I cannot respect a person who makes a living spreading rumors, lies, and gossip about others. He deserves to be circumised without any anesthesia! Who knows, maybe he'll have a fatal seizure from the pain.......

'Nuff said!





KEEP IT BREEZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Share/Bookmark

10.09.2010

PEOPLE DON'T DANCE NO MORE:
"Why Current Black Shows Are Failing"



The presence of Black faces (minus the minstrely) on American television is nearing extinction! Sure, we're making our token apperances in multi-cultural dramas as almost emotional-less beings, but the fact still remains that we have yet to produce a long-lasting quality show with a predominantly African-American cast.

Is it the systematic racism of this nation that minimizes our presence on the airwaves??? NAH!!!!!!!!

Is it shoddy writing???? HELL NO!!!!!

You wanna know what it is that's keeping us from having our own shows????

***Tension-building drumroll***


WE'RE NOT DANCING ANYMORE!!!!!!


We aren't given "The Man" what he wants from us. We gotta shuck, jive, coon, and sell-out just a little bit in order to maintain our presence on the airwaves! We have become some uppity negroes who think too highly of ourselves!!!

It doesn't matter if the script is a riveting creation of the highest artistic merit, we as people of African descent still must shimmy and shake in order to remain on the air.

Hell, if it's good enough for the Dr. William H. Cosby aka Bill Cosby aka America's Favorite Dad aka Nasty Que aka Mr. Come On People, then it's good enough for this current crop of coloreds trying to get a showing!!!

Bill Cosby has the most successful Black television show of all-time. It featured a talented-tenth power-couple that consisted of an influtential gynecologist and attorney with five all-American kids to tote. It was a ground-breaking situation comedy that debunked numerous negative stereotypes of Black Americans. Absent where mush-mouthed mofos who couldn't formulate a complete sentence. Absent was the angry Black father always complaining about how "The Man" was keeping him down. Absent was the single-mother struggling to make end's meat to support her family, and absent were the troubled and "at-risk" Black kids with a questionable future. They were pretty much free of sterotypes, but that still didn't keep these docile Negroes from shaking their ass to boost ratings!!!!

Season 1 ratings were low til they popped, locked, and dropped it!


Why F*** UP a winning formula?????


Jiggin' all the way to #1 on the Nielson Ratings during Season 2


It didn't stop there though. Season 2 of the Cosby Show also began the trend of Black folks twurkin' it out during the opening credits of their television shows!

Cosby Show: Season 2 Opening


Cosby Show: Season 3 Opening


Cosby Show: Season 4 Opening


Cosby Show: Season 5 Opening


Cosby Show: Season 6 & 7 Opening


Cosby Show: Season 8 Opening


Other Black shows followed the trend! The dancing in the opening credits is the reason why shows like A Different World, In Living Color, Martin, Living Single, Sister/Sister, Smart Guy, Hangin' With Mr. Cooper, Moesha, and The Parkers remained on the air during the 1990s.

We became haughty in the 2000s. Were they dancing during the opening credits of My Wife and Kids? NOPE!!! Guess what, they were canceled. Were they dancing on The Bernie Mac Show?? NOPE!!! And they were promptly canceled!! Same goes for Everybody Hates Chris!!!! And Daryl "Chill" Mitchell's wheel-chair bound ass never stood a chance(literally!)w/ FOX's "Brothers."

None of these shows made it past their fourth season!!! Not because of shoddy writing, but because they failed to provide white America with the necessary disarming and charming bait to watch their shows during the introductory credits.

Terrance Howard, Regina King, and Boris Kodjoe need to get their sh*t together and start searching for choreographers, STAT!!!!!..... if they want their television shows to survive past the first season.

I recommend Shane Sparks or Fatima Robinson!!! Or save on production costs, pull a 'Tyler Perry' and randomly break-out the Electric Slide in the middle of aired episodes!



GOOOODDDD DAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!
Share/Bookmark

10.08.2010

DOUBLE STANDARDS OF RACE IN AMERICA



White people see themselves as the golden standard of humanity, even though they only comprise twelve percent of the world's population. People of Asiatic descent make-up over thirty percent of the world's population, while persons of African-lineage follow suit at roughly nineteen percent of the global population.

World-wide, White people are the true minorities of this planet, yet the long-lasting effects of their cultural hegemony and imperialism has established an international consciousness that pepertuates the superiority and normalcy of Eurocentrism(whiteness), while Afrocentrism(Blackness), Asian-centrism, and Indocentrism are continually reduced to a comparable status of irregular inferiority.

Surely, a White person would never explicitly announce the subordinate status of another culture in American society, but it's very noticeable in the actions of Caucasians throughout the nation.

Throughout my lifetime, I've seen White people denounce and question my culture via their actions. I've experienced it as a Black man who's been trailed by law enforcement officers for simply walking in a predominantly White neighborhood. I've felt it when a White person wonders why I'm such an articulate individual, as if being a well-spoken person was something reserved for "Whites Only."

I put forth an earnest effort not to despise White people, but it isn't easy; I know I am judged from the moment I enter their peripheal. I wonder, "Do they see a thug?" "Am I viewed as a menance?" "A criminal?" "A crook?" "A violent, angry nigga ready to wreak havoc in their space?"

I cannot say for sure. I'm not pyschic, but I am excessively observant. Throughout the years, I've noticed a number of double-standards that soldify the notions of racism that persist in my consciousness. These occurences are listed below:



#1: Group of White Kids vs. Group of Black Kids
Since childhood, I've noticed the differing stimulus responses that a large crowd of Black children receive in comparison to our White counterparts. Whether at the mall, the movies, school, or simply walking the streets-- a crowd of Black teens has always been viewed as deviant. We are followed by store managers, security guards, and other authority figures who keep a watchful eye over us to ensure that we don't incite a revolutionary riot. Contrarily, large groups of White teeny-boppers aren't given the same amount of scrutiny, nor are they met with the same amount of apprehension. They are allowed to do as they please, and unconsciously revel in their priviledge.

I became conscious of this phenomenon as an adolescent in Dallas.

The State Fair of Texas opens its gates for state residents at the beginning of each Fall semester. Annually, free tickets are distributed to Dallas area students,
however schools with predominantly Black and Hispanic populations are always sactioned to attend the State Fair during the last weekend of its run; extra security and police officers were always present on our days to attend. Moreover, vendors and State Fair workers aren't cordial to the droves of Black and Brown faces.

Why is this????????????????????????


#2: Loud White Chick vs. Loud Black Chick
Recently, a boisterous Caucasian chick nearly ruined my dining experience as I hung with a group of friends. This particular young lady possessed an extremely obnxious, loud, and annoying voice that could be heard throughout the cafe. I was sure of her sobriety; in fact, my friends and I uniformly turned and gave her the "STFU" look. Apparently, she didn't receive the message as she continued shouting at the top of her lungs.

At one point, I randomly mentioned the White priviledge that was taking place before our eyes.

My Black female friend and I, both discussed the contrasting perceptions that would have abound, had the loud woman been a person of color. We theorized that a Black woman in the same early-to-mid 20s age range would have been labeled as "ghetto," "country," "hood," and other degenerative descriptions??

Moreoever, resturant staff and patrons would have spoken to her about her volume and behavior had she been a Black woman.

Why is this?????????????????????????


#3: Texas Relays vs. SXSW Music Festival
Texas Relays and SXSW Music Festival are both annual events held in Austin,TX. Both events draw large crowds of individuals from around the nation. However, one event draws a huge Black crowd, while the other draws a enormous White crowd. Both are held in the downtown business sector of the city. Both generate huge cash revenues for the city, yet the city of Austin still treats the Black vistors who descend upon the city for the Texas Relay weekends as a security threat!

Security is beefed up throughout the city, sections of the freeway are shutdown, and shopping centers are forced to close early by Austin P.D.

None of these "security precautions" are taken for the SXSW Music Festival, in fact, I cannot remember seeing a policeman or security guard during the SXSW Music Festival.

This is another case of race discrimination. Black people are once again treated as second-class citizens and unruly criminals!

Again, I wonder.... WHY IS THIS????????????????????????????


#4: Negative Images of Whiteness vs. Negative Images of Blackness
Another case of White Priviledge plays itself out in the media. Television shows such as Married With Children, Malcolm in the Middle, Jackass, Roseanne, Jersey Shore, My Name Is Earl, All in the Family, and Mama's Family are entertainment programs that portray the imperfections of Caucasian-American families.

These T.V. families are far-cries from the pristine Huxtables, but they are allowed to do that without the worry and stress of portraying postive representations of their race.

Why?? Because, White America already views Blackness as something that's dangerous, different, and deviant; this forces African-Americans to continually present an image of ourselves that changes the mind of White America, while also making us digestable to them.

We have to prove our humanity on-screen. This sickens me! As a people we have yet gain the liberating freedom to portray such perceived "negative" multifaceted images of ourselves without receiving criticism.

The film "Precious" is an example of what I describe. It is a well-written, acted, and directed film, but the images presented conflict with "Strong, Black, Sophisticated, and Intelligent" that we fight to have seen on-screen.

Why is this????????????????????????????


#5: Barack Obama vs. John McCain
I'll keep it short and simple! Barack Obama is a genuis! He graduated top of his class from Havard Law, yet his crendentials for president were always questioned during his run for president during the 2008 elections. Conversely, John McCain finished dead last in his collegiate class.

Now, let us think for a minute. If a Black man was running for president and happened to graduate last in his class; he wouldn't stand a chance with the media. Conservatives would cry "affirmative action candidate," while the remainder of the general public would simply be validated in their opinions of Black Americans.

If Barack Obama were White with his Harvard Law credentials and work-history as a junior-senator his ascension to the White House would have been a breeze along a paved yellow brick road. Additionally, the Tea Party would not exist.

Again, why is this????????????????

Unbalanced standards of race persist in this nation, and all I can keep saying like Socrates is, "WHY IS THIS?????????????????????????????"Share/Bookmark

10.07.2010

CHEATING 101:
"The Do's and Dont's of an Affair"



There needs to be a college level course on the art of cheating! It seems like such a trendy thing to do, yet unfortunately many of the mofos who engage in the duplicitious behavior haven't a clue of how to properly carry out an affair on their signficant others without being caught in the act.

These foolish individuals are mistaken! They believe cheating to be an adventerous, thrill-seeking activity that requires little-to-no preparation, but I ask, why would one indulge themselves in such behavior without a proper plan???

Affairs are serious business with dire consequences. Why put your psychological, emotional, and financial well-being at stake for a sample of the "side-piece?" I'm talking to you Fantasia Barrino! You too, Tiger!! You both could have definitely benefitted from a few of my lectures, instead of opting to forfeit fifty-percent of your fortune and sanity! All of that was totally un-necessary!!!



Yes, it's a sad state of affairs when liquid Purex is poured over a man's entire wardrobe. It's an even sadder state of affairs when confrontations such as the following occur:





Obviously, cheating(and the fall-out from doing so) is no respecter of persons. The rich, poor, ugly, attractive, old, young, man, and woman are all capable of the committing the act, which is why I deem it necessary to create a list of tips for dim-witted and dense individuals to live by if they ever find themselves "stepping out."


TIP #1:
CONTINUE ENGAGING YOUR PRIMARY MATE
The majority of individuals who cheat make the heinous mistake of unconsciously chunking the deuce to their primary mate. Fellas, if you have a girlfriend or wife, continue interacting with her as you did before the sideline-ho stepped into the picture. If you and your woman spent each night talking about your day at the office followed by a few hours of passionate intimacy, then continue following this routine DAMN IT! If you don't have the stamina; I suggest investing in some ginseng, taking Vitamin C, or even popping a few Viagra if need-be to keep your numero uno chica satisfied! Don't come home, roll-over, and go to sleep without making love and talking to her for more than two nights in a row! That's a dead give-a-way that something has gone awry.




TIP #2:
INVEST IN A "PAY-AS-YOU-GO" PHONE
Do NOT utilize your primary cell-phone, landline, or work-number to communicate with your side-piece! You don't want your wife or girlfriend to discover a phone bill with numerous calls made to the same unrecognized number over a period of time. Purchase a prepaid wireless device! You can buy these phones at a fairly inexpensive rate without having to register the phone in your name. Purchase the phone with cash! Avoid using money orders, credit, debit, or travelers checks for this transaction. Lastly, keep the phone on vibrate and erase the ENTIRE call-log history, just in case the phone is discovered. Deniability will be in your favor if the entire call-log is erased. Get in the habit of doing this everytime you use the phone to communicate with your side-line ho.


TIP #3:
AVOID SENDING TEXT MESSAGES, EMAILS, FB MESSAGES, AND TWEETS
Again, deniability is crucial. Even with the prepaid phone, it'd be in your best interest to avoid sending text messages. People have been known to save such electronic messages as incriminating evidence to blackmail. Avoid sending them at all costs; they will only come back to bite you in the behind. Also, refrain from sending any emails, facebooks, or tweets. In fact, your sideline piece shouldn't even have access to your email, facebook, or twitter account. If, by chance, they do find you on any of these social networks, PROMPTLY block them! It seems cruel and heartless, but remember what's it stake if you are found out. It is the most effective route to take in the long-road.

PS: If you have a blog, block them from accessing this as well!!!


TIP #4:
AVOID PLACES YOU CONSISTENTLY FREQUENT
Proximity is the main idea! Never cheat in places that you frequent on a consistent basis. Naturally, carry out your tristes in hotels, never at your home. Also, avoid your favorite resturant, movie theather, club, lounge, or concert-hall while with your sideline piece. I suggest carrying out all of your "extra affairs" in a section of the city you rarely frequent; if you find yourself hanging in the south-side of your city, then consider taking your sidepiece to the far-north area of your city. This will minimize your chances of being found out by anyone you or your primary mate knows.



TIP #5:
AVOID FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY & VIDEO CAMERAS
There is nothing more idiotic than collecting keepsakes from your affair! The most lame-brained thing a person could do is take pictures with their sidepiece in this age of the social network!!! Not only do you avoid taking pictures with the "other" man or woman, but it'd be a great idea to confine your interactions with them to hotels and other secluded places! All the necessities are there. You have your hotel resturants, bars, and rooms all within the same facilities. There is no need to wine and dine your sidepiece as if you were in an actual relationship. Additionally, if you and your sidepiece are famaliar with the same group of people, I'd also suggest pretending that you hate their guts in public settings. Faking arguments over politics, race, religion, and issues surrounding sexuality are a great method of throwing people off the scent!


TIP #6:
MAINTAIN CONFIDENTALITY
Do NOT tell your mother, brother, sister, father, best-friend, co-worker, clergyman, pizza-man, milk-man, post-man, or short-order cook about the affair going on. It will only come back to bite you in the a$$!!! Keep in between you and your Creator!!! Again, keep that deniability going. If your best friend, parents, or clergyman are ever confronted by your number 1 lover, they will be able to contend your innocence. This is a great idea, especially if your primary girlfriend or boyfriend knows that you tell certain individuals everything about your life.


TIP #7:
UTILIZE PROPHYLACTICS
Break out the latex condoms, diaphrams, spermicide, and birth control pills. Nothing worst than an unplanned kiddo, burning urination, and smelly discharge to get you caught and caught-up!!! Again, purchase these items with cash! Or go to a free-clinic to acquire them. You can use a pseduonym at the free clinic! **Don't be like Alicia and Swizz Beatz! Or Derwin and Janae, lol....



TIP #8:
WASH YOUR BODY WITH ODORLESS SOAP
Most soaps have a particular scent! Do not have sex with your side-piece, and then wash your body with Dial soap, if Safeguard is used in your home. This will raise a red-flag, particuarly amongst women! Purchase oatmeal based soaps like Aveeno that are odorless! This way, you'll still be able to cleanse your body after having sex with your side-piece while avoiding any discenrable scents that will raise the suspcion of your significant other.




TIP #9:
CARRY FEBREZE
Scents and smells are a dead give away. If your sidepiece wears colgne or perfume it'd be a great idea to carry Febreze with you. The Febreze will eliminate the smell of their fragrance from your clothes. The best time to spray your clothes is after the orgasm, but before the shower so the Febreze has time to dry on your clothes.



TIP #10:
DEFINE THE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP WITH SIDE-PIECE
It is vital to have an extremely frank and earnest conversation with your sidepiece mate. Discussions about whether your relationship is strictly for sex and pleasure or a possible real relationship at some point in the future should be had. Also, conversations regarding the frequency of your meetings should be had. Lastly, it'd be a great idea for you both to come up with different contigency plans on how to handle getting caught if it ever occurs......



****BONUS TIP: Do not keep a written record of your cheat-sheet, it WILL come back to bite you in the ass. Instead, commit these suggestions and tips to memory while learning to implement them with constant, routine habit via your actions!!!!



HAPPY TRAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!
____________________________________________________________________

























Share/Bookmark

8.31.2010

COONERY: "Is B.E.T. trying to quit you?"



Seriously! What former VH1 employee(s) decided to take a pay-cut and lend their professional services to the good folks over at the less than illustrious Black Entertainment Television network? The 'My Mic Sounds Nice,' documentary that aired this past Monday night was absolutely amazing; it chronicled the history of femcees in the hip-hop industry.

Absent were disjointed editing cuts, poor sound quality, and one-dimensonal portrayals of African-Americans that have become standard in BET programming; instead there were smooth editing transitions, excellent sound quality, and a varied collective of intelligent conversations from leading femecees, producers, marketing executives, professors, journalists, feminists, and chavunists.

Black women were shown as more than a phat ass, wet vag, and jiggalatin' titties! Moreover, we are actually given a chance to hear industry veterans such as Missy Elliot, Eve, and Trina voice their views on the shortage of bankable female artists in the hip-hop corner of the universe.

Definitely NOT a bad look! I'm still taken aback. I haven't seen such non-coonified programming on this station since the late 90s. I wonder, is B.E.T. preparing for a push towards positivity? Or was this program simply lightning in the bottle?
Who knows? Regardless, enjoy the posted portion of the documentary!

What are your opinions on it???

Share/Bookmark

8.26.2010

HOW UGLY ARE YOU?:
"PART DEUX"



If you missed Part One, click here!


A continuation of my patented ten-point scale is listed below:

SIX :
Celebrity Example: Sanna Lathan
You ARE a 6 if you resemble this woman in any way. Sure, you have miniscule oddities and imperfections, but they're nothing major that'll make a dude cringe, grimace, or shudder at the sight of you. So, CONGRATULATIONS are in order, you're officially above average!

Confidence: Learn to maintain some semblance of humility. I mean, you're above average, but you're still no Helen of Troy or Queen Esther. Your looks will neither start, nor end a war so don't smell yourself TOO hard even if the aroma is overwhemingly intoxicating.

Attitude: Is it possible to balance being strong without being a total b*tch? That should be one of your personal goals in life!

Intelligence: A high-school diploma and common sense isn't asking too much!

Culinary Skills: Can you at least make spaghetti?? It's not very difficult to prepare.

Sex-Game: You might get-away from with-holding head, but you better be able to ride the stick and work miracles with a bottle of Jergens!

Final Tips: Remember: "You're still dumpable!" Let the guard down and display some humility, pronto!
___________________________________________________________

SEVEN :
Celebrity Example: Nia Long
You ARE a 7 if you resemble this woman in any way. Lucky #7! You're a bad chick, and you know it. You mesmerize damn near every man(and manly woman) who crosses your path. Unfortunately, hella-hella fine women aren't getting PERMANENTLY wifed up these days! I've seen a lot of transitional and temporary situations that've left me scratching my head as I wonder, "Why?"

Confidence: You're at a level of fineness where insecurity really doesn't matter unless you're walking the stroll or swinging on a pole for a Pimp Named Slick Back or Bishop Magic Don Juan; in which case I would advise you to evaluate your career options, and worry about finding love( or a "good time")in the distant future.

Attitude: Again, long as you don't act like a hormonal canine with an itchy vagina 24/7 you're cool!

Intelligence: Bare Minimum-G.E.D. or it's a NO-GO!

Culinary Skills: Long as you can boil water; I'll be okay with ramen noodles, rice, oatmeal, grits, and beans!

Sex-Game: You too, must make miracles happen with a bottle of Jergens and have an excellent riding game!

Final Tips: Long as you aren't a b*tchy, mentally challenged woman with a loose vag; you're good!
___________________________________________________________

EIGHT :
Celebrity Example: Gabrielle Union
You ARE a 8 if you resemble this woman in any way. So, dark rooms radiate full of light everytime you are in the area! It must feel great to be you! You know you're "it." But, don't abuse your power like our celebrity example, yeah... she's hella-hella fine, but avoid breaking up happy-homes and sh*tting all over your homely counter-parts! That's just wrong, lol.

Confidence: SEE #7 COMMENTS

Attitude: SEE #7 COMMENTS

Intelligence: Long as you can read and comprehend, you're good!

Culinary Skills: We can order out!

Sex-Game: Damn! Can you let a brotha break a sweat! Nothing wrong with a lil' perspiration.



Final Tips: LET ME BREAK A SWEAT!!!!!!!
__________________________________________________________


NINE :
Celebrity Example: Stacey Dash
You ARE a 9 if you resemble this woman in any way! You are the type of woman who makes men take leave of their senses; we lose our train of thought, stutter, and display other various acts of geekdom when you are around! Good job, lol!

Confidence: SEE THE TEN-SPOT!

Attitude: SEE THE TEN-SPOT!

Intelligence: Have you graduated from Precious' reading class yet? If not, then it's a NO-GO!

Culinary Skills: I'll cook for you! What's your favorite dish??? lol....

Sex-Game: DAMN! Can you stop being afraid to break a sweat! Nothing wrong with a lil' perspiration!

Final Tips: STOP BEING AFRAID TO BREAK A SWEAT!
___________________________________________________________

TEN :
Celebrity Example: Beyonce Knowles
You ARE a 10 if you resemble this woman in any way. Aesthetically speaking, you are damn near perfect! You are the fluid of the fantasy that finalizes every wet dream. Congratulations, you're an ACTUAL dime-piece.

Confidence: Authentic dime-pieces perplex me; for some odd reason they tend to have self-esteem issues. I've never understood the seemingly unfortunate correlation between pristine beauty and sub-par confidence, but it is okay! Men will tolerate a dime piece's esteem dilemma. Depending on the guy he may attempt to be a coach who boosts your esteem or he'll perceive it as a type of "shyness" which will make you appear humble. Not a bad-look!

Attitude: You are afforded a luxury that most women aren't; you are given an annual quota on the number of times you are allowed to spazz-out and temporarily lose your sanity. Do not abuse this priviledge!

Intelligence: Beyonce isn't a genius, nor is she very well-spoken. Do you think Jay-Z(who is a very intelligent dude) cares? Ponder on that!

Culinary Skills: We'll hire a personal chef!

Sex-Game: Fine chick who's bad in bed is like owning a brand-new Mercedes Benz with a malfunctioning Kia engine that prevents the car from accelerating past 15 mph. If you're totally horrible, let's see if the H.M.O. covers visits to the sex therapist!

Final Tips: Read this list throughly and share it with all your friends because DIME PIECE STATUS rarely lasts a lifetime!

.... In the words of the late great Big Joe Turner, "You so beautiful, but you gotta die someday..."



GOOD NIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!!!!!!
___________________________________________________________

Share/Bookmark