A continuation of my patented ten-point scale is listed below:
Celebrity Example: Sanna Lathan
You ARE a 6 if you resemble this woman in any way. Sure, you have miniscule oddities and imperfections, but they're nothing major that'll make a dude cringe, grimace, or shudder at the sight of you. So, CONGRATULATIONS are in order, you're officially above average!
Confidence: Learn to maintain some semblance of humility. I mean, you're above average, but you're still no Helen of Troy or Queen Esther. Your looks will neither start, nor end a war so don't smell yourself TOO hard even if the aroma is overwhemingly intoxicating.
Attitude: Is it possible to balance being strong without being a total b*tch? That should be one of your personal goals in life!
Intelligence: A high-school diploma and common sense isn't asking too much!
Culinary Skills: Can you at least make spaghetti?? It's not very difficult to prepare.
Sex-Game: You might get-away from with-holding head, but you better be able to ride the stick and work miracles with a bottle of Jergens!
Final Tips: Remember: "You're still dumpable!" Let the guard down and display some humility, pronto!
Celebrity Example: Nia Long
You ARE a 7 if you resemble this woman in any way. Lucky #7! You're a bad chick, and you know it. You mesmerize damn near every man(and manly woman) who crosses your path. Unfortunately, hella-hella fine women aren't getting PERMANENTLY wifed up these days! I've seen a lot of transitional and temporary situations that've left me scratching my head as I wonder, "Why?"
Confidence: You're at a level of fineness where insecurity really doesn't matter unless you're walking the stroll or swinging on a pole for a Pimp Named Slick Back or Bishop Magic Don Juan; in which case I would advise you to evaluate your career options, and worry about finding love( or a "good time")in the distant future.
Attitude: Again, long as you don't act like a hormonal canine with an itchy vagina 24/7 you're cool!
Intelligence: Bare Minimum-G.E.D. or it's a NO-GO!
Culinary Skills: Long as you can boil water; I'll be okay with ramen noodles, rice, oatmeal, grits, and beans!
Sex-Game: You too, must make miracles happen with a bottle of Jergens and have an excellent riding game!
Final Tips: Long as you aren't a b*tchy, mentally challenged woman with a loose vag; you're good!
Celebrity Example: Gabrielle Union
You ARE a 8 if you resemble this woman in any way. So, dark rooms radiate full of light everytime you are in the area! It must feel great to be you! You know you're "it." But, don't abuse your power like our celebrity example, yeah... she's hella-hella fine, but avoid breaking up happy-homes and sh*tting all over your homely counter-parts! That's just wrong, lol.
Confidence: SEE #7 COMMENTS
Attitude: SEE #7 COMMENTS
Intelligence: Long as you can read and comprehend, you're good!
Culinary Skills: We can order out!
Sex-Game: Damn! Can you let a brotha break a sweat! Nothing wrong with a lil' perspiration.
Final Tips: LET ME BREAK A SWEAT!!!!!!!
Celebrity Example: Stacey Dash
You ARE a 9 if you resemble this woman in any way! You are the type of woman who makes men take leave of their senses; we lose our train of thought, stutter, and display other various acts of geekdom when you are around! Good job, lol!
Confidence: SEE THE TEN-SPOT!
Attitude: SEE THE TEN-SPOT!
Intelligence: Have you graduated from Precious' reading class yet? If not, then it's a NO-GO!
Culinary Skills: I'll cook for you! What's your favorite dish??? lol....
Sex-Game: DAMN! Can you stop being afraid to break a sweat! Nothing wrong with a lil' perspiration!
Final Tips: STOP BEING AFRAID TO BREAK A SWEAT!
Celebrity Example: Beyonce Knowles
You ARE a 10 if you resemble this woman in any way. Aesthetically speaking, you are damn near perfect! You are the fluid of the fantasy that finalizes every wet dream. Congratulations, you're an ACTUAL dime-piece.
Confidence: Authentic dime-pieces perplex me; for some odd reason they tend to have self-esteem issues. I've never understood the seemingly unfortunate correlation between pristine beauty and sub-par confidence, but it is okay! Men will tolerate a dime piece's esteem dilemma. Depending on the guy he may attempt to be a coach who boosts your esteem or he'll perceive it as a type of "shyness" which will make you appear humble. Not a bad-look!
Attitude: You are afforded a luxury that most women aren't; you are given an annual quota on the number of times you are allowed to spazz-out and temporarily lose your sanity. Do not abuse this priviledge!
Intelligence: Beyonce isn't a genius, nor is she very well-spoken. Do you think Jay-Z(who is a very intelligent dude) cares? Ponder on that!
Culinary Skills: We'll hire a personal chef!
Sex-Game: Fine chick who's bad in bed is like owning a brand-new Mercedes Benz with a malfunctioning Kia engine that prevents the car from accelerating past 15 mph. If you're totally horrible, let's see if the H.M.O. covers visits to the sex therapist!
Final Tips: Read this list throughly and share it with all your friends because DIME PIECE STATUS rarely lasts a lifetime!
.... In the words of the late great Big Joe Turner, "You so beautiful, but you gotta die someday..."
GOOD NIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!!!!!!