HOW UGLY ARE YOU?: "PART ONE"

There's nothing worse than seeing a grossly unattractive female who thinks too highly of herself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying all ugly women should walk around with their shabby heads hanging down as they inject an abundance of insecurity and inferority into the atmosphere. However, it is esstential for the estrogenic members of society to have full knowledge of their "ugliness factor."

Let's be honest, we live in a vain society. Attractive women are afforded a number of luxurious privileges that their homely counterparts are barred from receiving. Problems occur when women are ignorant of their level of ugliness behave out of pocket, and remain in a perpetual stage of angry-bitter-singleness.

Many are simply in the dark, but that's okay. I am going to shine an illuminating light in this dismal area; In order to assist the fairer sex, I've decided to create an ugly scale complete with a detailed anylasis and tips that will prove useful in daily life.

The ten-point scaled is listed below:

ONE :
Celebrity Example: Whoopi Goldberg
You ARE a 1 if you resemble this woman in any way. Do not worry though, all hope isn't lost. There is a chance that you can still snag a guy. Hell, Whoopi is the epitome of ugly, yet she's managed to land a couple of husbands and lovers. Why? Because she knows she is ugly, and learned to utilize her non-physical features to her advantage. If you are a 1, pay attention to the following analysis of what you need to make it in society.

Confidence: You can NOT afford to be insecure; not even for a moment! Fugly mofos at the bottom of the barrel must be extremely self-assured with a thick skin for all of the belittling insults that WILL come their way. You do not have the right to have a break-down outside the four walls of your home, and for the love of God.... NEVER! NEVER EVER cry in public. Others will only find it humourous!

Attitude: You MUST have a stellar attitude! You must be kind-hearted, friendly, supportive, pleasant, humorous, engaging, and humble. Complaining, frowning, and any general negativity will not be tolerated from you. I know it sounds harsh, but I'm just being brutally honest.

Intelligence: One word-EINSTEIN!

Culinary Skills: Two words-Julia Child!

Sex-Game: Three words- Walking Kama Sutra!

Final Tips: Sharpen ALL your soft skills, develop a thick skin, and be extremely aware of self!
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TWO :
Celebrity Example: Star Jones
You ARE a 2 if you resemble this woman in any way. You're not as shockingly unattractive as the "penny chicks," but still there are few who'd label you as a prettygirl. Again, all is not lost. Examine our celebrity example, she landed a husband, and you can too!! Just follow this advice! Without further ado, here's my two cents:

Confidence: I'll go ahead and echo my previous statements. No man is gonna put up with an ugly girl's low self-esteem, unless he's a bottom-feeding type of individual himself.

Attitude: I repeat-->You MUST have a stellar attitude! You must be kind-hearted, friendly, supportive, pleasant, humorous, engaging, and humble. Complaining, frowning, and any general negativity will not be tolerated from you. I know it sounds mean, but it's factual. ( This statement won't change until we reach NICKEL status, lol....)

Intelligence: Magic Numbers- 1500 on SATs. 3.8 Collegiate GPA.

Culinary Skills: Variety is key! Soul-Food alone won't cut it; learn to make Asian, Nigerian, Creole, French, Italian, Indian, Carribean, Hawaiian, and Middle-Eastern cuisine from scratch!

Sex-Game: You too, must be a walking kuma sutra!

Final Tips: Learn to dress-up your ugly. Develop a good fashion sense, keep your hair done, and consistently tell yourself positive self-affirmations to keep your confidence in the stratosphere.

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THREE :
Celebrity Example: Fantasia Barrino
You ARE a 3 if you resemble this woman in any way. You have hope. There are people in this world who find you attractive, although if one was to take a poll of the general male populace, you wouldn't rate as "cream of the crop." You walk the fine-line between the homely and "alright chick."

Confidence: There are a couple fellas in this world who may tolerate your lack of confidence, but it'll be a good idea to develop some sense of worth so you don't end up intentionally or unintentionally harming yourself after some dude has left you, used you, or did you wrong.

Attitude: SEE PREVIOUS COMMENTS in "1" and "2" rankings.

Intelligence: Long as you aren't a complete and utter idiot, you'll be okay! Still, it wouldn't hurt to keep-up with current events for good conversation.

Culinary Skills: Above average cooking skills are a must. Know how to prepare a delicious meal. Purchase some cook-books if need-be!

Sex-Game: Work on your head-game. If you think it's nasty, prepare thyself to be alone, FOR A GOOD LONG WHILE!

Final Tips: Keep your body tight! Read a couple books!

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FOUR :
Celebrity Example: Sherri Shepherd
You ARE a 4 if you resemble this woman in any way. You're a regular chick! Nothing wrong with being a regular chick. You're not ugly, but you're not hella-hella fine either! MAJORITY of women fall in this category, whether men or women want to admit it.

Confidence: I'm not against a woman having high self-esteem, but women at this level MUST know their limitations, especially since the majority of women in society fall into this category. Being a complaining, ball-busting, and generally pessimistic b*tch will NOT be tolerated! You are not fine enough to engage in such behavior. Again, I'm not saying you should walk around with your head hanging down, but there's no need to be combative. Be easy.

Attitude: SEE PREVIOUS COMMENTS DIRECTLY ABOVE! Be chill.

Intelligence: Again, long as you aren't a complete and utter idiot, you'll be okay! Still, it wouldn't hurt to keep-up with current events for good conversation.

Culinary Skills: Basic baking, sauteeing, and frying skills are needed. Also, be able to make a good sandwich, lol.

Sex-Game: You're not special. Keep working on your head-game and improve level of flexibility. Maybe, learn how to work a pole, lol.....

Final Tips: Combat laziness and remain consistent. Remember, it doesn't take much to be demoted to "penny" or "two-cent" status at this level of beauty.

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FIVE :
Celebrity Example: Tyra Banks
You ARE a 5 if you resemble this woman in any way. You're something of a conumdrum! You walk the fine line between being a regular chick and "slightly above average," sadly you aren't hella-hella fine either. You clean up pretty nicely though! No man would be ashamed to have you on his arm, unless you trip off acid or partake in the habitual hit of the antenna and/or crack-pipe.

Confidence: Confidence will always be important, no matter how ugly or fine a woman is; it is particuarly important for women who've attained nickel status to maintain at least a functioning level of self-esteem. Don't be a door-mat who lets dudes run over you and through you all the damn time. Maintain a good balance.

Attitude: Again I say, no dude likes a b*tch. But, at this level of attractiveness a dude might be willing to tolerate your bull-slick in low-doses. It's still not a good idea to go overboard and outright disrespect, demean, or belittle a dude. Unfair to the ugly chick? Yes it is! But, that's just the way the world works.

Intelligence: Again, a dude might let a woman's simple ways slide if she is cute enough with a good personality. IE: Sarah Palin, yeah she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I'm sure there've been a lot of dudes willing to wife her up in their day.

Culinary Skills: Learn to make your dude's favorite dish, if nothing else.

Sex-Game: Is great head and flexibility ever wrong?

Final Tips: Keep yourself up.
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What are your thoughts on the subject? Why do you think men give attractive women more leeway? Is this fair? Will this ever change? Comment and let me know!!!




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